Mode:

|Monday-Wednesday|

It's a stressful week. Being a third year student is hard specially that the number of your class is only 6. I actually felt the need for members when our homeroom was merged with the sophomores, but that also gave me, as a student, an advantage. People would actually see me as the ill tempered person who doesn't care for others and a person who hates people (But I do, when things come to the worst part), but I'm an entirely shy and scared person inside which majority of people doesn't understand and would not believe. That's just a thing that I want to clarify. Being a shy person especially when I'm with more people is the main point why I can't just blurt out my ideas which results the teachers giving me a grade I hope I won't get.\

Since I started talking about clarifications, I would like to continue. I'm always quiet firstly, because of the fact that I can't say the exact thing I'm thinking specially in pure English. I'm lost in words -_- secondly, I'm scared of speaking without stop, people would hate me again because of my side comment jokes and the teachers might give me low conduct grades again which almost resulted me to be kicked out last summer. Third, like what I said, I'm not an entirely open person, I'm still shy even though I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm shy. Fourth, my opinions are usually not heard and there are some times when I feel bad about that. Fifth, I'm scared of speaking/butting when people I'm not close with are talking because I hate having people hate me. They said that you cannot please everyone, yes that's true but I just don't want them to hate me or even back stab me *thinking of some people*

|Thursday|

Emo day. Yes, Math is the reason. It made me do something bad and I think Math will continue to make me do bad things. When I got home, I was thinking of how left out I am. Whether it be in forums, lessons, people, close friends, fanfictions, music and anything, I just hate myself for being shy which results me not having the guts to start a conversation. I just hate how limited my time for computer is.

The thing I wrote down on my English journal: I hate how talent-less I am. Honestly and arrogantly speaking, I have no talent.

|Friday|

People are plastic. They are but I'm actually referring to one human right now. CLUE: We have the same first name. MY MESSAGE: I am not a person who can be under anyone. Just because I look weak and just weak doesnt' mean that I'll stay weak forever. Don't look down on me cause I'm much better than you are.

We did some marathon and I am really slow and unsporty. I really pity myself. I went to Festival afterwards to celebrate the end of the slow week I had.

I went home hearing some God things at the FX. I remembered our Religion class that day when we have to draw something that would tell how God helped you. I drew that he's my savior, he gave me people to rely on etc. But the state of my faith is this: I believe in God but I just don't feel his existence these times. When I was a kid, I was a great God fan but now that things are getting revealed, I just felt the unfairness of God. I don't like how my life goes in just...below the normal line level. I have lot of questions to him and nothing was answered. I have lots of wishes but because nothing was answered so far, I stopped believing in wishes and dreams. It's true that there are miracles happening to some people to serve as an evidence of God's existence, but it's just them, nothing happens to me.

|Saturday|

I am just happy that there's no school and it's raining.

Mode:

|Monday-Wednesday|

It's a stressful week. Being a third year student is hard specially that the number of your class is only 6. I actually felt the need for members when our homeroom was merged with the sophomores, but that also gave me, as a student, an advantage. People would actually see me as the ill tempered person who doesn't care for others and a person who hates people (But I do, when things come to the worst part), but I'm an entirely shy and scared person inside which majority of people doesn't understand and would not believe. That's just a thing that I want to clarify. Being a shy person especially when I'm with more people is the main point why I can't just blurt out my ideas which results the teachers giving me a grade I hope I won't get.\

Since I started talking about clarifications, I would like to continue. I'm always quiet firstly, because of the fact that I can't say the exact thing I'm thinking specially in pure English. I'm lost in words -_- secondly, I'm scared of speaking without stop, people would hate me again because of my side comment jokes and the teachers might give me low conduct grades again which almost resulted me to be kicked out last summer. Third, like what I said, I'm not an entirely open person, I'm still shy even though I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm shy. Fourth, my opinions are usually not heard and there are some times when I feel bad about that. Fifth, I'm scared of speaking/butting when people I'm not close with are talking because I hate having people hate me. They said that you cannot please everyone, yes that's true but I just don't want them to hate me or even back stab me *thinking of some people*

|Thursday|

Emo day. Yes, Math is the reason. It made me do something bad and I think Math will continue to make me do bad things. When I got home, I was thinking of how left out I am. Whether it be in forums, lessons, people, close friends, fanfictions, music and anything, I just hate myself for being shy which results me not having the guts to start a conversation. I just hate how limited my time for computer is.

The thing I wrote down on my English journal: I hate how talent-less I am. Honestly and arrogantly speaking, I have no talent.

|Friday|

People are plastic. They are but I'm actually referring to one human right now. CLUE: We have the same first name. MY MESSAGE: I am not a person who can be under anyone. Just because I look weak and just weak doesnt' mean that I'll stay weak forever. Don't look down on me cause I'm much better than you are.

We did some marathon and I am really slow and unsporty. I really pity myself. I went to Festival afterwards to celebrate the end of the slow week I had.

I went home hearing some God things at the FX. I remembered our Religion class that day when we have to draw something that would tell how God helped you. I drew that he's my savior, he gave me people to rely on etc. But the state of my faith is this: I believe in God but I just don't feel his existence these times. When I was a kid, I was a great God fan but now that things are getting revealed, I just felt the unfairness of God. I don't like how my life goes in just...below the normal line level. I have lot of questions to him and nothing was answered. I have lots of wishes but because nothing was answered so far, I stopped believing in wishes and dreams. It's true that there are miracles happening to some people to serve as an evidence of God's existence, but it's just them, nothing happens to me.

|Saturday|

I am just happy that there's no school and it's raining.