Mode:

|Everything about school|

Since my dreadful down to hell experience last March 3, 2008, I've like this--the most pessimistic, emo person that people would see as a pain. That date changed the way I view life and how I see people. That started my thought of the existence of the people who are just SO PROUD of themselves that they just speak like they're right, and much worse is it's not something about school, they're hitting on you just you, you're family, your friends, your personality and your attitude. That person who made me cry till the year ended is just...insane. She's not understanding, she gives major chances but will not give minor chances, instead she will pulvurized you with opinions that WILL HURT YOU SO MUCH. She will not believe whatever you say, you cannot defend yourself against her and she will not let you forget the things that will hurt you over and over again.

Last Wednesday, I had an STC with my adviser. I was really upset that there's no safe place in Monte. I have no problems with the teachers handling me unlike last year that I kinda abused the kindness they're giving me. Before I entered 3rd year in Monte, I suffered hard under my self esteem lessons last summer, I cried a pool, I stabbed my self continously and admitted that I'm ashamed of my second year because I hurt the teachers that are so kind to me. That doesn't include my confrontation with the school head, that hurted me but I don't think that everything she said is forgiving. Yes, that made me cry so much but I learned to just try to defend myself and not to just believe the things which mostly comprises of lies she's saying. I heard from my adviser that there some people saying that I'm so disrespectful. That stinks, that is my no. 1 goal, be patient and respect the people around. So far, before the STC, I'm happy that I haven't shown those kinds of things to ANYONE. I had myself reserved, quiet, patient and respectful. Like my adviser said, he doesn't know why people are making up stuffs because he thinks that I'm not like that. No one from my teachers know where that report came from. If only they knew, they're even increasing my attitude of not trusting anymore. I'm glad that I didn't cry in front of my adviser, I was just smiling while my eyes are getting burned. I can feel the unfairness and hate of the school to me.

Another thing is she said that I'm not taking things seriously. I can't prove that she's wrong, there are some times that I feel not needed that's why I just try helping out or even joke around to avoid the awkward seriousness. When I'm working in SC, I won't talk that much because I'm fucking writing the things they're saying every second. I am taking my position seriously. And again, I really can't believe that people would see that I'm lazy. I learned from the experience to not trust people who are not even handling you.

And until now, the issue of the invitation last year is still alive. Yes, it's still alive inside me, I feel guilty for it and I'm at fault. Remembering that makes me feel the feeling again and I suffered a lot from that experience. But, it's treated like it's my issue for third year, that UNTIL now, I have no respect for authority because of that invitation last year. Honestly, that's so stupid.

I felt all the pain again Wednesday night and sadly, I can't talk to anyone about it. My mom will just make me more depressed because she doesn't understand me. I tried saying things like these to her but everything failed. She will try to understand but she can't. She will always side with them telling that I'm the wrong one which is really painful.

Last Thursday, I am happy. I always thought that I'm alone and there's no one to protect me or side with me. It's like I'm always open to damages without any gears to protect me. But I am wrong, my former adviser for 2 years and my current adviser, Sr. Carl and Sr. Alex are the people that enlighted the burden. I thought that they are just teachers but I am really thankful that people like them are existing. They understand my point and will encourage me to just continue and prove all of them WRONG. They are people who would make the days on earth fair and serene. I am lucky that they are just there, I can always go to them and ask for their help because they're comfortable to be with and they are kind.

Another person, which is my super best friend, Kriselle, made me smile that day. It's not regarding the school thing but about last week when I am so emo and stuff. She gave me a lot of light. At least I know that I am not that barren and helpless. The way she replied to my post gave me a smack on the head. I never knew those things about me and I am just happy that these days, there are still people who can say overwhelming, good things on you. There are people you are giving light to. There's someone who can enjoy your presence and there are people who can really lift your spirits up.

Last Friday, my friends are protecting me against this new scary stalker in school. Kelvin is giving him lessons and I think, even pranking him. Sian and Justin would serve as my bouncers to keep me away from that person.

I feel so blessed that there are at least 3 people who can understand and protect you from the worst things. Thank you so much Sr. Carl, Sr. Alex and Kriselle. And I also feel blessed to have friends who can support you everytime. Thank you classmates! I feel stronger because of them, I feel protected and I feel that I'm not alone. Even though there's a few of them, I am fine with that. I don't need people who will want to have a weak bond with me. I will not fail them, I will stand up and soar high to make them see that all their support and protection is not worthless. I hope that I would accomplish that flawlessly for the rest of my lives because I can't afford to lose important people to me.

Mode:

|Everything about school|

Since my dreadful down to hell experience last March 3, 2008, I've like this--the most pessimistic, emo person that people would see as a pain. That date changed the way I view life and how I see people. That started my thought of the existence of the people who are just SO PROUD of themselves that they just speak like they're right, and much worse is it's not something about school, they're hitting on you just you, you're family, your friends, your personality and your attitude. That person who made me cry till the year ended is just...insane. She's not understanding, she gives major chances but will not give minor chances, instead she will pulvurized you with opinions that WILL HURT YOU SO MUCH. She will not believe whatever you say, you cannot defend yourself against her and she will not let you forget the things that will hurt you over and over again.

Last Wednesday, I had an STC with my adviser. I was really upset that there's no safe place in Monte. I have no problems with the teachers handling me unlike last year that I kinda abused the kindness they're giving me. Before I entered 3rd year in Monte, I suffered hard under my self esteem lessons last summer, I cried a pool, I stabbed my self continously and admitted that I'm ashamed of my second year because I hurt the teachers that are so kind to me. That doesn't include my confrontation with the school head, that hurted me but I don't think that everything she said is forgiving. Yes, that made me cry so much but I learned to just try to defend myself and not to just believe the things which mostly comprises of lies she's saying. I heard from my adviser that there some people saying that I'm so disrespectful. That stinks, that is my no. 1 goal, be patient and respect the people around. So far, before the STC, I'm happy that I haven't shown those kinds of things to ANYONE. I had myself reserved, quiet, patient and respectful. Like my adviser said, he doesn't know why people are making up stuffs because he thinks that I'm not like that. No one from my teachers know where that report came from. If only they knew, they're even increasing my attitude of not trusting anymore. I'm glad that I didn't cry in front of my adviser, I was just smiling while my eyes are getting burned. I can feel the unfairness and hate of the school to me.

Another thing is she said that I'm not taking things seriously. I can't prove that she's wrong, there are some times that I feel not needed that's why I just try helping out or even joke around to avoid the awkward seriousness. When I'm working in SC, I won't talk that much because I'm fucking writing the things they're saying every second. I am taking my position seriously. And again, I really can't believe that people would see that I'm lazy. I learned from the experience to not trust people who are not even handling you.

And until now, the issue of the invitation last year is still alive. Yes, it's still alive inside me, I feel guilty for it and I'm at fault. Remembering that makes me feel the feeling again and I suffered a lot from that experience. But, it's treated like it's my issue for third year, that UNTIL now, I have no respect for authority because of that invitation last year. Honestly, that's so stupid.

I felt all the pain again Wednesday night and sadly, I can't talk to anyone about it. My mom will just make me more depressed because she doesn't understand me. I tried saying things like these to her but everything failed. She will try to understand but she can't. She will always side with them telling that I'm the wrong one which is really painful.

Last Thursday, I am happy. I always thought that I'm alone and there's no one to protect me or side with me. It's like I'm always open to damages without any gears to protect me. But I am wrong, my former adviser for 2 years and my current adviser, Sr. Carl and Sr. Alex are the people that enlighted the burden. I thought that they are just teachers but I am really thankful that people like them are existing. They understand my point and will encourage me to just continue and prove all of them WRONG. They are people who would make the days on earth fair and serene. I am lucky that they are just there, I can always go to them and ask for their help because they're comfortable to be with and they are kind.

Another person, which is my super best friend, Kriselle, made me smile that day. It's not regarding the school thing but about last week when I am so emo and stuff. She gave me a lot of light. At least I know that I am not that barren and helpless. The way she replied to my post gave me a smack on the head. I never knew those things about me and I am just happy that these days, there are still people who can say overwhelming, good things on you. There are people you are giving light to. There's someone who can enjoy your presence and there are people who can really lift your spirits up.

Last Friday, my friends are protecting me against this new scary stalker in school. Kelvin is giving him lessons and I think, even pranking him. Sian and Justin would serve as my bouncers to keep me away from that person.

I feel so blessed that there are at least 3 people who can understand and protect you from the worst things. Thank you so much Sr. Carl, Sr. Alex and Kriselle. And I also feel blessed to have friends who can support you everytime. Thank you classmates! I feel stronger because of them, I feel protected and I feel that I'm not alone. Even though there's a few of them, I am fine with that. I don't need people who will want to have a weak bond with me. I will not fail them, I will stand up and soar high to make them see that all their support and protection is not worthless. I hope that I would accomplish that flawlessly for the rest of my lives because I can't afford to lose important people to me.